Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, sexuality, age, faith, or disability. It can take many forms – emotional, psychological, physical, financial, sexual, or controlling behaviour – and may be a single incident or a pattern of ongoing harm. At its core, it is about one person exerting power and control over another.
Relationship and domestic abuse is contrary to the University’s Harassment and Bullying Procedure. If you are worried about someone you know, there are safe and supportive ways you can help.
Think
Are they in immediate danger?
If they are in immediate danger or seriously injured, call 999 (or 112 from a mobile).
If you are on campus, contact Campus Safety on 01483 68 3333 to let them know the emergency services are on their way and give details of the individual’s location.
Find a safe space. If an incident has just happened, try and help them reach a space they feel safe in. If they are on campus and this isn’t possible, suggest they call Campus Safety on 01483 68 3333.
Notice patterns. Individual incidents might seem small in isolation, but together they may reveal a wider pattern of control or abuse.
Talk
Listen and believe: Taking time to listen without judgement can help someone feel less isolated. Avoid pressuring them to make decisions before they are ready.
Offer options, not instructions. You could gently share ideas and resources, but let them choose what feels safe. Options might include:
Accessing healthcare if they have been hurt.
Thinking about safety planning
Contacting the police if they wish to.
Linking with specialist organisations for tailored advice and support.
What not to do:
Do not confront the abuser. This can increase risk for the person experiencing abuse.
Do not insist they leave. Leaving can be the most dangerous time. Respect their choices and timing and do not put pressure on them, helping someone in an abusive relationship can be hard but they need to make their own decisions in their own time.
Do not judge. Abuse can make people feel trapped and powerless; criticism or disbelief may deepen isolation.
University support
Sexual Violence Liason Officers (SVLO)s: trained to support students affected by sexual violence and overlapping harms such as domestic abuse. They can help survivors think through options and connect with specialist domestic abuse services.
Campus Safety: available 24/7 to talk through reporting options and safety planning.
University of Surrey Students’ Union (USSU): can provide advice, support with processes, and attend meetings alongside students.
Trade unions (for staff): Unison, Unite and UCU can provide support and representation.
Report
Report + Support: Staff and students can make a report using the University’s Report + Support system. You can report anonymously or request contact from a member of staff for support.
Report a Wellbeing Concern: If you are worried about a student’s safety or wellbeing, you can complete this form. It can be submitted by students, staff, friends or family.
Get support
Abuse is not something that should be managed alone. Having professional help may feel supportive, and specialist services are available for people of all genders, sexualities, and communities:
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge): 0808 2000 247. Support for anyone experiencing abuse 24/7.
- Women’s Aid: Support and safety planning resources for women and children.
- Men’s Advice Line: Confidential advice for male victims, including trans and non-binary people.
- ManKind Initiative: Helpline for men experiencing abuse.
- Galop: National LGBT+ Abuse Helpline and specialist support.
- Respond: Support for people with learning disabilities and autism who have experienced trauma or abuse.
- SignHealth: Specialist domestic abuse service for deaf people.
- SafeLives: UK-wide domestic abuse charity offering resources and advocacy.
- Karma Nirvana: Support around so-called honour-based abuse and forced marriage.
Taking care of yourself: Supporting someone who is being abused can feel overwhelming. It’s important to look after your own wellbeing too.