Relationship or domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age, gender, sexuality, culture, or background. It can include emotional, psychological, physical, financial, and sexual abuse within a couple relationship (current or previous) or between family members.
Abuse may be a single incident or a repeated pattern of behaviour — but it always involves one person using power and control over another. The aim is often to isolate someone, make them feel responsible for the abuse, or make them dependent on the abuser in some way.
Examples of relationship/domestic abuse include:
- Isolating someone from friends, family, or community support.
- Checking through a partner’s phone, email, or social media without consent.
- Using threatening, shaming, or controlling language (for example, about someone’s gender identity, sexuality, or masculinity).
- Telling someone what they can and can’t wear, where they can go, or who they can spend time with.
- Taking control of someone’s money, housing, or documents without their agreement.
- Any kind of physical violence, including sexual assault and rape.
- Stalking or harassment, such as following someone or repeatedly contacting them against their wishes.
- “Outing” someone’s sexuality or gender identity without consent.
- Using children, family honour, or cultural expectations to control behaviour.
Key facts:
- 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime.
- On average, it takes 35 incidents before someone feels able to report or leave.
- Domestic abuse leads to the deaths of around 100 women and 30 men every year in the UK.
Relationship/domestic abuse is contrary to the University’s Harassment and Bullying Procedure.
If you’re unsure whether what you’re experiencing (or what someone you care about is experiencing) might be abuse, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Sexual Violence Liaison Officer (SVLOs) are trained to support people who have experienced sexual violence and misconduct, and we know these often overlap with relationship/domestic abuse. If you would like support, even if you’re not sure whether it “counts” as abuse - you can access the SVLO service. An SVLO will listen, talk through your options, and, if you wish, help you access specialist domestic abuse services.
You can also find support from:
- Galop (LGBT+ specialist abuse support).
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 24/7: 0808 2000 247 can provide expert advice and safety planning.
- Surrey Police provide information on domestic abuse and reporting options.
- Local Surrey domestic abuse services:
Find out more
Harassment and Sexual Misconduct (University of Surrey)
University of Surrey Policy on Domestic Abuse for Staff and Students